ON THE EVE OF SHOT NUMBER THREE

On the eve of shot number three.... as I sat in my comfy chair while I watched the rain fall the wind blow and thought about my last two shots.

The first shot was a shock to me. It happened so fast it was a lot to take in and to deal with. Shawn often tells me he is proud of me and loves how strong I am. I think he thinks I am stronger than what I really am but we will just let him keeping thinking that;)

After the 1st shot I had 3weeks till my next shot. I tried not to think about it... but it was all I thought about. Friends showered me in support. I have a "new" friend Laurie who has touched my heart in a way she may never ever know. After Mass the Saturday before my 2nd shot she stopped me and handle something. Without seeing it I thanked her. Then I looked down to what I was holding and lost it. I was holding a Saint Lucia pendent that she had just gotten blessed by the Father of our church. I was so thankful!! Laurie, you will never know how much that meant. Side note: My pendent like all Saint pendent necklaces came with a prayer card. On the front is I picture of Saint Lucia. I have it on my bathroom mirror so I see it daily, it makes me smile sometimes laugh a bit. In the photo she is holding a tray and on the tray are eyes... yes eye balls! Maybe its the stress but seeing that hits me in a funny way. 

On the day of my first shot I was wearing a dress, remember we were going to dinner after and as I was crying curled into a ball I thought well this outfit was a bad choice. So on Sunday the day before my 2nd shot I spent a lot of time thinking about what to wear. I want to be comfy and be able to curl into a ball if I want. I would be coming home and going straight to bed sadly my PJs were just not an option! Even if they are really cute, which they are! I went with yoga pants a fleece pull over and tennis shoes. I pulled my hair to the side wore some stud earrings and with my Saint Lucia pendent and I felt ready for what the morning would bring.

I checked in and we sat to begin the wait. I am not a fan of waiting of any kind. Every time I go to an appointment at this doctors office I am the youngest one in the waiting room. I am stared at and sometimes asked why I am there. I hate telling them, then I hear "Oh No your too young to go thought this" "Oh you poor thing" "Now wouldn't that be so horrible to lose our sight so young" Next time I am going to say I am having my toe checked out... I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me but I do want everyone to know this can happen to anyone at any age! I understand they mean well but its not things I want to hear before a needle is put in my eye!

So Shawn and I are sitting there and the older women comes in and reads a license plate number then explains that car was just hit by another car. I look at Shawn and ask if he knew our plate number... that would be a No! By the 4th time being explained and the owner of the car already outside everyone understood what was going on. Oh my you would not believe the excitement in that waiting room! It was what everyone was talking about for a solid 10 mins. I look at Shawn and said we are in a waiting room filled with older people who have problems seeing. Why is everyone so shocked!?

The waiting room is quite Shawn has a worried look on his face so I ask "What are you thinking"? He replies" You don't want to know" Oh! Yes I do!! He looks at me and says "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, well your eye in this case" My month dropped. He did say I didn't want to know its not often he is "this right"!

My name is called and the test began. I move from room to room. Shawn is with me and no matter how quite it was or what kind of look he had on his face I was not going to ask what he was thinking!

We reach the final step before the shot. My nerves are at full peak. I laugh as Shawn gives the girl who has me sign the release forms and goes over the side affects a hard time to make me laugh. She was happy to get done with us!

My doctor comes in with his little tray that makes the needle look way larger than it should be seen by the eye it will be stuck in! His accent makes me smile. He wastes no time explaing we will start to prep.

I check the time and wonder what Maci was doing at school that very minute. I hope she is happy laughing and enjoying her day. I am thankful I am able to close my eyes and always picture my little girl laughing and see her happiness in her smile and her eyes.

He tells me to look up look down left right over and over again. The needle is in his hand his hand is in place against my check and I hear "look up and d"... I look down and he was  saying "don't move"! Yup I moved as he was sticking it in. He says "don't move" again and the pain was something I could of never thought it could be. I think he could tell it was a bit much for me as he patted and rubbed my head with his needle free hand as the needle was in my eye. I know at this point I messed this up, I moved and made this worse on myself. Have you ever been in pain and moved around in some way? It was hard to stay still while in what much pain. I am not even sure I did stay still.

The needle is out and my eye is rinsed, its over. Once the doctor leaves the room I squeeze the chair and kicked my feet explained I moved and it didn't go well. I look up at Shawn and  he has this look of mixed expressions on his face. He leans in and says "You know that thing you cant see that holds your eye open? It look like its made from  a metal paper clip". That would explain why it so painful.

I stood up to leave and noticed something is different. My sight is not the same as it was before the shot. When I got to the desk to make my next appointment I realized I see a large black spot. I walk to the doctors desk and ask. He tells me its an air bubble it will go away in a day or two. I know this is because I moved when I shouldn't have. I keep repeating my eye hurts on the way out to the truck. Shawn helps me get in the truck and leans in, I thought to kiss me but then I hear... "Your eye looks bad I need a photo of that". I had a large blood spot where the needle went in. If it was his I eye would probably say the same thing.

Once we were home I went to bed hoping the pain would weaken when I wake up. I had a lot of pain for 3 days then it was just uncomfortable for a few.

Over the last few weeks waiting for the day to come for my next shot I have thought about how fast the time has went. Life keeps going. Time waits for no one. This has shown me in another way to make the most of each day. Some things will wait for you but those "things" that are alive should not wait. Live Your Life. Don't say oh someday I wish I could do this or Some day I will go here. Don't wait. Just do!

Make sure you and your loved ones are getting eye checkups regularly. If anyone thinks their sight has changed even in the smallest way see an eye doctor!