LIFE CHANGES IN A BLINK OF AN EYE

Everyone knows your life can change in a blink of an eye- Ha! Its "funny" that is what comes to me as a starting sentence for what I am about to explain. 

First I want to say I am a private person. I don't post about my every moment or even big moments for that matter, its just not me. Well something has came to light that I want everyone to know about. Why? Because maybe if I share what I am going though I can help someone else save their eye sight. 

A few Mondays ago I went to a routine check up at my retina specialist. I have Histoplasmosis (also known as "Cave disease" or "Ohio valley disease") It's a disease caused by a fungus that is breathed in and is found in the air, that is in my blood called Histoplasma. Symptoms of this infection vary greatly, but the disease primarily affects the lungs. Occasionally, other organs are affected; In my case my eyes are affected giving me a type called Ocular Histoplasmosis. Ocular Histoplasmosis damages the retina of the eyes. Scar tissue is left on the retina which can experience bleeding, resulting in a loss of vision not unlike macular degeneration. 

I knew that I had some change (loss of sight) & more pain. I have had pain for years!! Sadly I have not met a doctor that knew why I had pain nor how to end it, I have seen many doctors! Their main concern is saving what is left of my sight, That works for me! 

Once I was in the chair to look at the chart with my good eye covered things changed. I have to add that this is the 1st time I have ever sat in the chair with out my best friend 3 feet away! My husband was in the waiting room with our daughter. This was supposed to be a quick check up then we are off to dinner to celebrate back to school the next day. 

So back to the dark room with the eye chart. I am asked to read it... “OK”... I am waiting for it to be put up... I hear "Go ahead read what you can see" tears came instantly, I couldn't see anything not even the square of light. I could always see the straight line of the E but nothing this time. I was told, "lets move on" freaked out I started asking questions knowing no one will be able to give me an answer other than the doctor, I still asked. With my eyes full of tears of fear I move from room to room. I even had photos taken of my eyes as I have many times before. It was harder this time because of the tears. They took their time and understood. Then the doctor comes in, I blurt out “What’s wrong”? He says with his accent that makes bad news sound not so bad “Well you have some change in your sight”. No Shit Sherlock! WHY? 

No, I didn’t say that but I thought it! So he grabs this scope thing and with his calming voice he says “Ohh…well you have bleeding inside your eye”. Flash back: about 4 years ago blood vessels were growing through some holes (from the scars) in my eye right to my retina. As soon as he saw that he, himself walked me in to the laser room and saved my eye! Okay back to the blood in my eye. So I ask we just need to laser again? “No”! He said "It’s to much blood and in the center I must give you shots". At that point his accent was no longer comforting. “Shots in my eye”? I ask starting to cry. He gave me a few tissues and tells me “I have done this many times I am confident it will be OK”. “The pain won’t be too bad”! Yes he said too bad- like that makes it better! I know he means well but shots in my eye!!! Just the words hurt!! 

As I heard the side affects from the shots & signed the release paperwork. Someone went out and told my husband and sadly my daughter had to hear what was going on. The doctor brought in a tray and shut the door. I asked “Is someone going to help you”? “Someone should hold me down right”? He said (don't forget with his accent) “No, I have done this many times, I am quite good”. “As long as you don’t help me I got this”. I laughed so hard!! I told him I was scared he said “Yeah I got that earlier”. I never knew he was so funny! Maybe it was just my fear!! 

So he puts in this thing to hold my eye open. The lights were low which I didn’t realize till now, thinking about it... he is going to put a needle in my eye there should be a lot of light!! My eyes are very sensitive to light so they do what they can to make me comfortable. I don't know what this thing looks like since I can’t see out of that eye. I can tell it is V shape. Then my eye is cleaned and prepped. I am told the iodine will make it feel like my eye is covered or filled with sand. When its time I hear “Here we go” and the poke!

I have been asked what went though my mind when this was happening? Well when I couldn't see the eye chart I thought what did I do wrong? What if Histoplasmosis goes into the other eye? Then as I went from room to room test to test my husband & my daughter was on my mind. I want to be able to see the love in Shawn’s eyes when he looks at me and his smile. I want to see my daughter grow up. I want to be able to see every drawing or art work she does. I want to see her crazy outfits she pick outs. I want to she her smile the happiness in her eyes! Please God, if I have to lose this eye let me keep the other healthy. 

Then when it was time for the shot I thanked God for all the years I was able to see and for the healthy eye I still have. When the needle was out all I could think about was the pain. I took a couple of minutes to collect myself and I meet my family in the waiting room. I smiled & showed no discomfort. Well so I thought. Their mouths dropped I didn't look at myself so I didn't know my eye was swollen shut.  We went on to dinner then home for gifts to wrap up the back to school party. Shawn read Maci a story. As I sat there watching them laugh and read together I wondered if there would there be a day that I would not be able to see their smiles. I fell asleep that night praying that I could let go of this fear of the disease growing in the other eye.

When I woke in the morning I looked in the mirror hoping it was all a dream but my swollen matted eye showed me that it was reality. I was told not to rub my eye, that was so hard, it felt like it was covered in sand. I looked at myself and thought; You can handle this. No need to worry. From that moment on I haven't spoke to God about the eye I just trust my faith. I have "moved on" in a positive way. I was unable to go to work that week due to keeping my eye clean. I am not the type of person to just sit nor do I watch TV daily. Unable to clean or do anything at home I became addicted to the Lifetime channel by Wednesday. Thankfully by Friday I kicked Lifetime addiction & moved on to Teen Mom, the 1st group of moms. I even saw the last show ever when it aired. 

The following Monday I had another check up. It was then I learned I have Histoplasmosis in both eyes. It is unknown if I will lose sight it the good eye, but I have faith I won't! Now every 3 weeks I will get shots in my eye that is bleeding to save what sight is left. The doctor said it is unknown how long I will need to have the shots.  

I hope you will tell others there is this disease and it can take your sight in a flash. Please protect your sight!