Everyone
knows your life can change in a blink of an eye- Ha! Its "funny" that
is what comes to me as a starting sentence for what I am about to explain.
First
I want to say I am a private person. I don't post about my every moment or even
big moments for that matter, its just not me. Well something has came to light
that I want everyone to know about. Why? Because maybe if I share what I am
going though I can help someone else save their eye sight.
A
few Mondays ago I went to a routine check up at my retina specialist. I have
Histoplasmosis (also known as "Cave disease" or "Ohio valley
disease") It's a disease caused by a fungus that is breathed in and is
found in the air, that is in my blood called Histoplasma. Symptoms of this
infection vary greatly, but the disease primarily affects the lungs.
Occasionally, other organs are affected; In my case my eyes are affected giving
me a type called Ocular Histoplasmosis. Ocular Histoplasmosis damages the retina
of the eyes. Scar tissue is left on the retina which can experience bleeding,
resulting in a loss of vision not unlike macular degeneration.
I
knew that I had some change (loss of sight) & more pain. I have had pain
for years!! Sadly I have not met a doctor that knew why I had pain nor how to
end it, I have seen many doctors! Their main concern is saving what is left of
my sight, That works for me!
Once
I was in the chair to look at the chart with my good eye covered things
changed. I have to add that this is the 1st time I have ever sat in the chair
with out my best friend 3 feet away! My husband was in the waiting room with
our daughter. This was supposed to be a quick check up then we are off to
dinner to celebrate back to school the next day.
So
back to the dark room with the eye chart. I am asked to read it... “OK”... I am
waiting for it to be put up... I hear "Go ahead read what you can
see" tears came instantly, I couldn't see anything not even the square of
light. I could always see the straight line of the E but nothing this time. I
was told, "lets move on" freaked out I started asking questions
knowing no one will be able to give me an answer other than the doctor, I still
asked. With my eyes full of tears of fear I move from room to room. I even had
photos taken of my eyes as I have many times before. It was harder this time
because of the tears. They took their time and understood. Then the doctor
comes in, I blurt out “What’s wrong”? He says with his accent that makes bad
news sound not so bad “Well you have some change in your sight”. No Shit
Sherlock! WHY?
No,
I didn’t say that but I thought it! So he grabs this scope thing and with his
calming voice he says “Ohh…well you have bleeding inside your eye”. Flash back:
about 4 years ago blood vessels were growing through some holes (from the scars)
in my eye right to my retina. As soon as he saw that he, himself walked me in
to the laser room and saved my eye! Okay back to the blood in my eye. So I ask
we just need to laser again? “No”! He said "It’s to much blood and in the
center I must give you shots". At that point his accent was no longer
comforting. “Shots in my eye”? I ask starting to cry. He gave me a few tissues
and tells me “I have done this many times I am confident it will be OK”. “The
pain won’t be too bad”! Yes he said too bad- like that makes it better! I know
he means well but shots in my eye!!! Just the words hurt!!
As
I heard the side affects from the shots & signed the release paperwork. Someone
went out and told my husband and sadly my daughter had to hear what was going
on. The doctor brought in a tray and shut the door. I asked “Is someone going
to help you”? “Someone should hold me down right”? He said (don't forget with
his accent) “No, I have done this many times, I am quite good”. “As long as you
don’t help me I got this”. I laughed so hard!! I told him I was scared he said
“Yeah I got that earlier”. I never knew he was so funny! Maybe it was just my
fear!!
So
he puts in this thing to hold my eye open. The lights were low which I didn’t
realize till now, thinking about it... he is going to put a needle in my eye
there should be a lot of light!! My eyes are very sensitive to light so they do
what they can to make me comfortable. I don't know what this thing looks like
since I can’t see out of that eye. I can tell it is V shape. Then my eye is
cleaned and prepped. I am told the iodine will make it feel like my eye is
covered or filled with sand. When its time I hear “Here we go” and the poke!
I
have been asked what went though my mind when this was happening? Well when I
couldn't see the eye chart I thought what did I do wrong? What if
Histoplasmosis goes into the other eye? Then as I went from room to room test
to test my husband & my daughter was on my mind. I want to be able to see
the love in Shawn’s eyes when he looks at me and his smile. I want to see my
daughter grow up. I want to be able to see every drawing or art work she does.
I want to see her crazy outfits she pick outs. I want to she her smile the
happiness in her eyes! Please God, if I have to lose this eye let me keep the
other healthy.
Then
when it was time for the shot I thanked God for all the years I was able to see
and for the healthy eye I still have. When the needle was out all I could think
about was the pain. I took a couple of minutes to collect myself and I meet my
family in the waiting room. I smiled & showed no discomfort. Well so I
thought. Their mouths dropped I didn't look at myself so I didn't know my eye
was swollen shut. We went on to dinner then home for gifts to wrap up the
back to school party. Shawn read Maci a story. As I sat there watching them
laugh and read together I wondered if there would there be a day that I would
not be able to see their smiles. I fell asleep that night praying that I could
let go of this fear of the disease growing in the other eye.
When
I woke in the morning I looked in the mirror hoping it was all a dream but my
swollen matted eye showed me that it was reality. I was told not to rub my eye,
that was so hard, it felt like it was covered in sand. I looked at myself and
thought; You can handle this. No need to worry. From that moment on I haven't
spoke to God about the eye I just trust my faith. I have "moved on"
in a positive way. I was unable to go to work that week due to keeping my eye
clean. I am not the type of person to just sit nor do I watch TV daily. Unable
to clean or do anything at home I became addicted to the Lifetime channel by
Wednesday. Thankfully by Friday I kicked Lifetime addiction & moved on to Teen
Mom, the 1st group of moms. I even saw the last show ever when it aired.
The
following Monday I had another check up. It was then I learned I have
Histoplasmosis in both eyes. It is unknown if I will lose sight it the good
eye, but I have faith I won't! Now every 3 weeks I will get shots in my eye
that is bleeding to save what sight is left. The doctor said it is unknown how
long I will need to have the shots.
I hope you will tell others there is this disease and it can
take your sight in a flash. Please protect your sight!
